Hyderabadi Chotu !!

This is one of the classiest Hyderabadi joke you may ever come across. It's an old Hyderabadi nugget Enjoy this..it is really funny if u know Hyderabadi slang! A bit vulgar(only a bit mind u), but thats how it goes in our old city!!!!

In Hyderabad we have our own little Johnny. His name is Chotu. His father is ambitious to educate Chotu. Chotu goes to school located in Tappachaputra. Its principal is educated in Urdu high school and claims that he passed tenth class!

There is a school inspection the next day and the conversation is as follows :
Teacher: Kal inispector ayinga. Kochchanaa (questions) puchinga. Sab achchaa padkey aau. Koi galath answer deengaa naa tho main uske pairaan thodtoon.

Chotu: Iski maakki. Kyun aara inispector? Kaam nai hai usku? Kya kochchanaa puchta kathey?

Teacher: Abey tereku kaiku re, tu kal school aanaaich nai. Tu tera moo khola to gaaliaan nikaltay. Tereku main absent nai daalthaun. Ghar pe baithkey gotiyaan khel. Tu school aayingaa to inispector ke saamney mere izzat ki biryaani karke khaaingaa tu.

So our Chotu is excited, goes home and tells his father that he is not going to school the next day.

Father: Yeah kyaa hai..ischool hai paan dabba hai? Gaand pay maartoon saale tu ischool nai gaya to!

Chotu: Arey Bava, mera teacher bola nakko aao bolke.

Father: Usku akhal hai! Begum suno! Chotu ischool nai jayinga kathey kal. Agar ino ischool nai gaya to kaise padhinga? Chotu, agar tu kal ischool nahin gaya naa, terehaathan pairaan thod daaltaun.

So Chotu cries and finally agrees to go to school. Next day at inschool, the teacher is very upset to see Chotu back.

Teacher: Arey teri maakki. Nakko aao bole to bhi kyun aaya re?

Chotu: Mera bava gaand phodtaon bola ischool nai gaya to.

Teacher: Arrey! Tera bava bola? Tera bava ischool ko gaya re kabhi..Theek hai chal. Last bench pe baith aur inispector aya to chhup jaa Dikhnaich nai. Kuch bhi gadbad karinga naa meri noukri gaand lag jayingi.

So Chotu goes and sits on the last bench hiding behind a tall guy. Inspector comes for the visit.

Inspector: Adaab.

Teacher: Adaab saab. Bachen acha padrain saab. Kochchanaa puchey to answeraan yun bolte.

Inspector: Aisaaa? Ithney kilever(clever) hai aapke bachchey? Achchaa, ek bahuth easy sawaal - Hamarey body mein sab se nazook cheez kaun si hai?

Teacher: Arey Imtiyaz tu bata rey!

Imtiyaz: Saab, Kaleja saab.

Inspector: Aisa! ...... woh kyun?

Imtiyaz: Saab, kaleja hai to sab kuch hota. Agar who gaya naa, kuch bhi nahin hota saab!

Inspector: Abaa, kya tez potta hai rey! Aur koi?

Teacher: Arey Akram, tu bata re.

Akram: Saab bheja saab. Bhejey ku khuch bhi hua to kuch yaad nahin rehta saab. Haathaan pairaan kaam nai karthey,iscooter ku kick bhi nai maar sakthey saab.

Inspector: Abey Teacher, kya kya padaaraa re inku tu. Chutiye ke jaiseich answeraan bolrai naa!!

In the meantime Chotu is trying very hard to hide but Inspector sees him. He thinks Chotu is hiding because he does not know the answer.

Inspector: Woh last bench pe yun jhuk ke baithaa naa woh pottey ka naam kya hai?

Teacher: Kaun saab? .......Woh! (iski bhain ku, kaiku dikhaa re tu) Woh Chotu hai saab.

Inspector: Chotu? Ye kya naam hai? Kahan-kahan se lagaathey re bhai naamaan! Chotu, woh lambu ke peechchey kaiku chchup raa tu?

Chotu: Saab main mooh khola to teacher gaand maarrenga saab.

Inspector: Kya re teacher ye potta aisa bolra, mera podta kya re??

Teacher: "Arey kya baath kar reh saab, main kaiku maarthaum aapku. Ye potta ekdam badmaash hai saab, jhoot bolraa. Abey Chotu, answer maloom hain to bol nai tho khaamoosh baith jaa mere baap tere pau padthaum."

Chotu: " answer maloom hai saab" "Saab answer Gaand hai saab."

Inspector: "Abey kyaa to bhi bolra re! Sharam kar badon ke saamney aisaich baathaan karthey! Yeich sikhaaye tumhaarey amma-bavaa? Gaand kahaan kaaanswer hai re?"

Chotu: "Hau saab, gaand ich sabse naazook cheez hai. Kaiku boletho wahaan pe dilli mein baamb phata, to yahan Hydrabad mein apni gaand phat thi... Yahaan old city mein gadbadaan shuru hothey, wahaan new city mein sabki gaand phat thi... Uttaa kyoon saab, main yeh answer bolraun naa, mere teacher ki gaand phatrai dekho!"

Teacher: "Haila!!!!!! meri naukri lag gayi"